I don't remember what happened since the last post...
So I remember the extraordinary pain after the Spinal tap that lasted four days. I called the doctor and they told me to go to "the hospital". Now when someone tells you to go to "the" Hospital, you would think to go to the hospital that you had the procedure at? I did and boy was I wrong. I arrived at the hospital and the registration desk had no idea about me. They wanted me to go to a hospital 20 miles away. Instead of just going to the other hospital they told me to stay where I sat in the waiting room with what appeared to be a man with either a fried brain from too many drugs or a traumatic brain injury who did not want to go to surgery. I thought I was going to have to act when he started to freak out and they cleared the waiting room. I did not trust any of the doctors or security guards to have the experience in wrestling a crazy person... unfortunately I do all too well. So three hours sitting around in pain, a doctor tells me I am not a candidate for a blood patch. Had I come in over the weekend they would have done it but I waited until the weekday and some of the pain had gone away. I was sent home and told to lay down. Advice I was doing on my own before I was told to go wait in a germ infested waiting room...
So was I surprised when I get a sore throat and sinus infection for two weeks.
I will fast forward to today. The seizure medicine I am on where it took me a month to get up to 50mg... Now I am going up to 400mg within the next month. Now this is a medication is one where I have to step up slowly or it may cause painful blisters in my mouth (which I was told go to emergency room immediately). It also may cause aseptic meningitis (hopefully it does not. I do not want another spinal tap).
At the end of this month if the medicine (which I was told has a 50% failure rate, for a condition they don't know that I have...) so I don't know how effective it will be. The next step is hospitalization... and several different treatments, one of which involved Ketamine... now from what I know of Ketamine it basically puts me out for several days. Happy days. I hate medicine, especially pain meds. My last two surgeries I did not take any of the pain meds they prescribed to me, that is how much I dislike pain meds. Right now to get rid of all the problems I have I will go to a witch doctor if they could help.
On a brighter note this weekend I may go to a Buddhist meditation. I figure I need something to make myself feel better. I need some sort of Spiritual healing because of how horrible I feel. I would rather that then a Psychologist who is just going to tell me what I already know. I am depressed because I am out of work, I am lonely at my parents house and rarely see anyone. I sleep in a single bed rather than my comfy hand made queen bed.
I do appreciate everyone who has helped me out, who have come to see me, take me out to lunch, movie or party. Those days away from this room are precious to me because they are my only outlet to the real world. I appreciate the sympathetic ears.
I am just in a bad place right now and hate life every day I wake up with hope that I am better and nothing has changed. So I am going to try some Spiritual enlightenment.
I am sorry this one is not as funny or filled with movie quotes. I just needed to vent. I am not in the right mood. Guess I am just further down than normal.
Thank you for listening, you don't have to. You could be anywhere else in the world and you are here... I appreciate it.
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