I'm Gonna Be Sedated

My tribute to the Ramones...

Twenty-Twenty-Twenty four hours to go I'm gonna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I'm gonna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry Hurry Hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
oh no no no no nooooo
Ba-ba bamp ba ba ba ba bamp ba I'm gonna be sedated

Last time it was stone free, this time Sedated. So It has been a little bit since I last posted to here. Not much good news and very little news at all. I posted around Thanksgiving, after that December was kind of slow. No doctor's appointments, nothing of note. It was the first month since April that I was not on any medication, and I had no invasive tests.

The new year came and I was put on a machine to keep me breathing during the night. I apparently stop breathing 22 times an hour. The good thing about this machine is I do not sleep, so I effectively keeps me breathing. The downside is that I do not sleep, so I do not know if it is helping all that much.

But that is the least of my worries at this point. Tomorrow as per my Ramones Tribute I will be Sedated for a week. The Doctor who is scheduling this is hard to understand at times being from Spain and having an accent. She described it to me as not quite a coma, but I will be out of it. The sedation will be with Ketamine, a powerful horse tranquilizer... all of you Club kids are jealous? I will be sans glow stick, stupid dancing and Blade soundtrack though.

Now I am doing this because it is a drastic step in my treatment options. It was described as a chance to reset my brain and put it back to factory settings (for all of your computer nerds). Somehow, someway, something is jumping on my neural optic nerve (if there is such a thing) and causing these flashes. I have been told by doctors it is hard to understand what is going on in the brain and this treatment is one hope to get it fixed. Ketamine is used for people with severe pain (which I do not have physically but they believe the pain is being manifested as lights, shadows and colors in my field of vision). There are follow up treatments after that. I will know more tomorrow. I basically know nothing right now about this treatment other than I am to report to the hospital tomorrow at 10 am and everything will be explained then.

I will be incommunicado for approximately a week. If those of you who know me personally want to contact me, cell phone is probably the best bet. If I can not check it I will have a family member going through and giving updates if there are any. Please do not post anything on Facebook... I write things here so they stay private from my life. This is where I rant and I pick and choose who I want to read said rants. I thank you in advance to helping me with my anonymity.

When I get out I will write out my experiences here, if I have any. If I get put out and a week later am woken up with nothing to experience will I be able to write anything? We shall see...

Thank you all for reading this and if anyone is stumbling upon this because you have similar issues know that you are not alone.

I appreciate all of the kind words and support I gain from everyone in my life. While I put on a brave face most days and just plug along saying everything happens for a reason... Sometimes I am still scared when I go blind or have the Pink Floyd laser light show going on inside my eye lids when I try to sleep. I really do want to be normal (or as normal as I can be... or used to be rather). Most of you know I find it difficult to talk with. I tend to listen more than speak, so thank you for everything.